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Updated: May 2, 2019

Welcome Back Vibrant Fam. Today I wanted to get raw, raw in a way that typically I try to avoid especially when it deals with stuff I have not fully taken care of. However, I see this across many of my friends and in people I meet and do not even have the pleasure of knowing yet. Coping Mechanisms. We all have our ways to cope, sometimes without even realizing we use these things to cope. Depression, anxiety, fears and anything in between leads us to outward methods of dealing with them. For me, my coping mechanisms fell in a level of partying. I would drown out my depression with a shot or two, I would drown it out with some other random substance because feelings of happiness and a good time would flood my brain. I got lost and left behind my darkest bits even if just temporarily. It was a moment of bliss and a moment of not feeling what I seem to feel too often: a feeling of inescapable sadness, feelings of not being welcomed or fitting in (even with people I know care and love me) and a swallowing feeling of helplessness. The ability to escape all of these feelings is beyond tempting, I cannot stress that enough. The ability to just let go and somehow not have those problems anymore is freeing -- albeit my methods* are a matter of destruction. *I want to take a minute that I am a FIRM believer in harm reduction and responsible usage no matter what that usage may pertain to. However, I firmly believe that there are healthy ways to partake and unhealthy ways and partaking to cope falls in a level of unhealthy. Continuing my previous thought of destruction: in ways of coping I was failing at being a decent friend, a decent family member and sure as hell failing at finances. I was coping to escape pain but only causing more pain. Which recognizing this is obviously a step in the right direction but now figuring out where to go from here is the hard part. First thing is first, I am embarking on a month of sobriety with a few friends. I will not be drinking or partying which will give me time to find more healthy ways to exert my energy as well as give me time to allot more self-love (y'know that thing I am basing this whole project on<3). Second thing is I want to document this journey. Not the whole sobriety thing but different outlets I find to use for self-care, self-love and a whole lot of health. I am looking at free yoga classes in NYC and have stocked up on some vitamins (LOL). This is never easy for me because I do not always want it but I think I have pushed this off long enough to finally genuinely want this. It is time to start forming healthy coping habits and take care of myself moreso than I have. Thank you for being with me on this journey, let me know how you cope in the comments below. I would genuinely love to know what works for you and how you deal with your mental health. Spread Love, Spread Light and Stay Vibrant.

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Love your posts baby! You inspire me! 😘💝💕💗🥰

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